ADHD, Marriage and Couples Counseling
Navigating Love & ADHD: How Couples Counseling Builds Stronger Bonds
Relationships are complex, and when ADHD or neurodiversity enters the dynamic, unique challenges often arise. It's common for couples to feel stuck in cycles, with one partner's ADHD symptoms seemingly "causing" all the friction. But what if the picture is more nuanced? As Cynthia Djengue, LCSW, LISW, a dedicated couples counselor specializing in relationship dynamics, I believe in empowering couples to understand, adapt, and transform together.
Beyond blame. When ADHD isn't the sole "problem."
Many couples arrive in therapy feeling like the person with ADHD is the sole source of conflict, perhaps due to forgetfulness, impulsivity, or emotional dysregulation. While ADHD certainly presents real challenges, it’s crucial to understand that relationship issues are almost always a two-way street.
Often, the non-ADHD partner develops understandable responses to these challenges. This might manifest as heightened anxiety, anxious attachment patterns, or even emotional dysregulation stemming from past trauma responses. Suddenly, those "patterned arguments" aren't just about ADHD; they're about the interplay of both partners' unique neurobiology and lived experiences.
How couples counseling creates change for both of you
1. Cultivating emotional regulation. In counseling, we don't just focus on the individual with ADHD. We work with both partners to build robust emotional regulation skills. For the ADHD partner, this might involve strategies to manage impulsivity, frustration, or overwhelm. For the non-ADHD partner, it could mean learning to soothe anxiety, communicate needs without escalating, and process their own triggers effectively. This mutual growth transforms reactive cycles into thoughtful responses.
2. Understanding & encouraging behavior changes. Therapy provides a safe space to discuss specific behaviors. We’ll explore how ADHD symptoms impact daily life – from managing finances to completing household tasks or feeling heard. More importantly, we'll identify how both partners can adjust their actions and reactions. This isn't about "fixing" one person; it's about developing collaborative strategies, clear communication, and setting realistic expectations that work for both individuals.
3. Repairing and rebuilding trust. Repairing a relationship damaged by years of patterned arguments and misunderstandings is a cornerstone of our work.
How do we REPAIR?
Empathy and validation. Helping each partner truly hear and validate the other's experience, even if they don't fully agree.
Accountability without shame. The ADHD partner is learning to take responsibility for impacts, not just intentions, without feeling shamed. The non-ADHD partner is learning to express hurt constructively.
Co-creating solutions. Moving beyond blame to actively design shared systems and agreements that support both partners' needs.
Navigating Patterned Arguments & Embracing Change
What triggers them?
What roles do each of you play?
What are the underlying fears or unmet needs?
By shining a light on these dynamics, couples can choose different paths. We'll practice new communication techniques, learn to pause before reacting, and build a toolkit for de-escalation and genuine connection. This isn't just about problem-solving; it's about shifting your relationship from conflict to collaboration.
Beyond ADHD: Addressing Co-Occurring Diagnoses
It's also important to acknowledge that ADHD rarely travels alone. Many individuals with ADHD also experience anxiety, depression, or other co-occurring conditions. Similarly, a non-ADHD partner might be grappling with their mental health challenges or the lingering effects of trauma. Cynthia Djengue's comprehensive approach takes into account all facets of an individual's and a couple's well-being, integrating strategies that address multiple diagnoses simultaneously for holistic healing.
Ready to Transform Your Relationship?
If you and your partner are navigating the complexities of ADHD in your marriage or relationship, know that you don't have to do it alone. Counseling offers a pathway to deeper understanding, healthier communication, and renewed connection.
Cynthia Djengue provides compassionate and effective private pay couples counseling services for clients in Arizona, Iowa, and Oregon. My goal is to help you break free from old patterns and build a resilient, joyful partnership.
Contact Cynthia Djengue today to learn more about how specialized couples therapy can help your relationship thrive.
