Do you want to learn how to use Self Love in all your relationships? Then, you need to express your values.
Think of Self Love and Values interchangeably. When you want to partner with someone in a relationship, it is important to know what you want and what the other person is bringing, in terms of Values. You will quickly see, if you’re paying attention, whether or not you will be able to create an atmosphere of fair play.
When we first start a romantic relationship or business relationship we can easily get blinded by appearances and pay structures. We are wooed in by our fantasies of what this person is going to offer. Our imagination runs wild and we are soon creating our dream life with how the days will go by with everything we desire.
But, then this person starts to not deliver. Wait, you think to yourself, I could have sworn I was going to have what I wanted. What happened?
Great question. Ask yourself and them more of these questions BEFORE you get into these relationships that refuse to reflect your values. Setting up some clear expectations (#knowyourbeliefs) should help everyone:
1. Ask yourself what your Values are. Express your Values. Get very specific. It’s like a vision board for your relationships. Examples:
- I need a boss to respect me while also holding me accountable.
- I desire a job with flexibility so that when my child gets sick I can go home and take care of her without feeling guilty.
- I need to be able to discuss problems with my supervisor and come to conclusions.
- I need a partner that trusts me.
- I desire a lover to know all parts of my life, not just the bedroom parts.
- I need a partner to communicate their feelings.
- I like to eat healthy, I want my partner to eat healthy too.
2. When you are concise about your values, extremely clear, before going into that interview or first date, you are going to ask the right questions. Questions you might ask your potential boss or date might be:
- Do you feel like you’re a good communicator?
- How do you handle conflict?
- How do you express disappointment?
- How will I know when you are not happy with my work, actions, or something else?
- How would you resolve the above?
- Do you want a long term relationship?
- Are you willing to have mistakes happen or are you going to want to terminate me or this relationship after a mistake?
- How do you define a mistake?
Obviously, you don’t drill a boss or date with all these questions but you would get a lot more important information by asking the right questions. Otherwise, we accept the job simply because it pays well, and we accept the new relationship because we had some chemistry and later… neither party is happy and either one or both of you starts to under-deliver, a sure sign that you didn’t really clarify your values and setup the tone of what you both were looking for.
3. Don’t jump in too fast, but also take a risk.
The obstacles to setting up values in relationships is that the economy is bad, or you are getting older, you want someone to help pay the bills, and you NEED this person. We have all felt that way. The Self Love cheerleaders are in the background doing their best to encourage your ass to have strategy in mind.
Any new relationship is a risk, so it needs strategy. You can certainly go into it and hope it all works out, but being prepared is going to save everyone a lot of time and energy. But, take that calculated risk. Risk the chance to learn and find out what you’re capable of. Football player, Kurt Warner, said “If you’re willing to put yourself and your dreams on the line, at the very least you’ll discover an inner strength you may not have known existed.”
4. Realize that disappointment is short lived.
When you have exercised the above, but still find yourself disappointed in the actions of another, please realize, this is short lived. You’ve managed to give this person a try and it just didn’t work out. If you think back to the numerous interviews and dates that people all over the world have managed to conquer, there are a lot more people walking away with nothing than are signing on the dotted line.
It takes the right combination and a lot of conscious communication before people really open up and say “Yes!” Disappointment will happen, but better sooner than later. You don’t want to be months in, dollars in, hours and hours in, to realize you jumped in head first without clarifying what you really wanted in the first place.
We hope this Self Love Sunday was helpful for you. Feel free to share, comment and see more blog posts here. You can also sign up for our free Newsletter to get more in depth words from the Nest. We want to help you Soar Into Wellness.