Self Love and The Feminine Energy

Feminine-Strong – Masculine-Weak

If… feminine energy is very strong and the masculine energy is weaker it is as if the feminine energy says: “I have these grand dreams and desires. I wish to have this … I want that … I would like to have these others over here.” But sometimes beneath this apparent strength and determination, there is “I cannot have” “I don’t deserve” “I can’t receive”. Feminine creative energy without the balance and structure of masculine energy is very scattered; it is very undependable. It is as if you pour water onto the surface of the table, it spreads everywhere; it is not contained, focused or directed. There is no structure (cup) in place to hold the feminine creative power.

When this off-balance feminine asks of the masculine, “Oh, I want you to build me a house” the masculine says, “I’d love to build you a house. I am a carpenter, I can build you a house. I love you.” And he goes off in his excitement and gets the wood, stone and electrical wiring and begins to build a beautiful house. This is the creativity of straight lines and angles we talked about last month.

In the meantime, the feminine energy has continued creating. After asking for a house, she went off to yoga class, tea with friends, shopping at Macy’s and bought the ingredients for a gourmet dinner. Curves and swirls of creativity. When she finally brings her attention back home, she asks the masculine, “Hello – What are you doing?”

“When did I say that?” she replies. “Really what I want is to move to the beach and have a house there.”

“Okay, I can build you a house at the beach.”

“Oh, that would be so wonderful,” the feminine energy, says. And off they go and the story repeats itself. With this ungrounded, scattered pattern, the masculine energy feels invalidated, unappreciated, unheard. This scattered feminine energy is swirling all around in an uncontained manner and the masculine energy follows her, or tries to. When she changes her mind again and again, the masculine also changes his direction for her, trying to build a house, a structure within which she can be happy and create. However, with this pattern, both the feminine and masculine creative energy is incomplete and over time, there is frustration. Do you know someone like this (you)? This person is ungrounded, doesn’t complete the many projects they have begun while they busily come up with even more ideas. They may also have saved all the materials and supplies they collected for each of these projects – for years, promising to get to them someday.

Feminine-Weak – Masculine-Weak

There is also the pattern of weak feminine energy together with weak masculine creative energy. In this case, neither are creating easily and neither receive or fulfil their desires. Both are terrified. Weak energy does not create; it gets very frustrated and it has no permission to speak up, to set direction, to take charge. Sometimes in this case, neither the masculine, nor feminine can define or ask for their desires. The first step of creation is not even taken. The masculine energy doesn’t build the structure for the feminine to create within and the feminine doesn’t even define what she wants him to build. You may recognize this creation-pattern in those around you. Decisions never seem to get made and they change their minds frequently. There is no forward movement. Inertia can occur. Both are wanting the other to make the decision of what movie to go to and soon it is too late. All the good movies have already come and gone. As a personal exploration, you might become aware of this dynamic demonstrated in the lives of others around you and ultimately, in your own creative process. Do you know someone who exhibits inertia and is not creating fully in a way you know they have the potential too? Perhaps they don’t take risks and use vocabulary that is self-defeating?

feminine repression

Feminine-Strong – Masculine-Strong

The flip-side of this is a creation-pattern of strong feminine and strong masculine. Again, both are in fear and, internally, in a great deal of confusion and insecurity. There will be lots of competition, pushing and shoving, incompletion and turmoil. Both creative powers here can be very uncompromising and stubborn. Consequently, both dig in their heels and nothing gets created. You may know people who do this in their creative space. They may boast and brag and present themselves as confident and accomplished, but in actuality, have achieved very little in their lives. This person may “know it all” and argue with every suggestion others make.

How Did We Get So Out of Whack?

When the masculine creative energy inside of you is too weak or strong and the feminine inside of you is too weak or strong, we call this the third dimensional game of “I’m not okay.” That is where most of us have learned to be and live our lives. How did we get here, in this off balance state? Here is an example: There is a little girl or little boy who is very talented, very skilled and very knowledgeable. She is very excited about who she is and what she wants to do. She is very confident, into herself and what is possible. She simply says, “I can!!” This little child sets out on her path and creates wonderful drawings and great art. She sings all the time and passionately builds amazing things. At perhaps three years old she is extremely successful in her world and one day says to her favorite grown-up, “Look at my elephant” because it is a beautiful elephant and she is very pleased with her creation. The grown-up says, “Don’t you know elephants aren’t orange? And besides, this is a scribbly mess. You should color inside the lines.”

This is such a shock and invalidation to her that this little child drops down and gives up her confidence and power. The “you’re not okay” belief slides right into that little slot where “I’m great and successful” used to be just a moment ago. At first the little child is confused, then she does one of two things. She may say, “Well, I’ll show you” and goes through the rest of her life working to prove she is good. She may become a Type A personality and over-achiever in order to show that long-ago grown-up that she really is of value. However there is still a little doubt “Am I okay?” that sits in her space and her beliefs about herself. She has private thoughts like, “I am not sure whether this painting that I just did is really worth ten thousand dollars” even though on the outside she presents herself as absolutely confident, determined and strong.

The other possible reaction the little child may have is, “Well, maybe that grown-up was right. Maybe I’m not that good after all.” She may never return to that powerful, talented expression that she once had. That passionate child grows up to hide, doubt her every decision and not take many risks.

Every one of us has experienced the result of this distorted creative energy. Once you understand the distinctions and power of feminine and masculine creative energy you’ll be better able to balance them and create more powerfully from that fullness. Then, when you step into a relationship, you will continue to hold the belief that you count and have value. There will be no push or shove, competition or invalidation. There will be no better or worse. There is then a balance between and within your masculine and feminine ways of creating. Once balanced, you will recognize yourself and move forward into joyfully painting those elephants any color you choose with playmates who celebrate with you.

Article Credit:  The Truth About Masculine and Feminine Energy – Part Two by Jim Self, Excerpted from a webinar series on “Relationships During the Shift”

8 Replies to “Self Love and The Feminine Energy”

  1. Beautifully written and insightful. Striking that balance is so essential and examining the roots from which imbalance grows is a necessary journey. Love the quote…

  2. I feel as though women and men compliment each other because what men lack, women have, and visa versa! 🙂 I certainly need a man to help me with a few things, but that doesn’t mean I am any less strong!

  3. Wow – I really loved this post – it set things in a new perspective – I would have thought that Fem Stron and Masc Strong would be ok – but I guess we are looking for balance.

  4. Cynthia,
    The moving on to the house at the beach sounds like me! Sometimes I feel scattered like that. It seems pretty difficult to get on the same wavelength so no one feels diminished and both have their creativity and are validated for what they contribute! It’s pretty rate that both have that harmony at the same time, isn’t it? Or perhaps that is only my skewered observance. Thanks for the food for thought!

  5. I love this!! I am going to take a look at my relationship from a different perspective. Do you think with the changing roles of men and women in family and relationships that this may be causing some of our out of whack energy?

    I sure would like to reach that balance state you describe!

  6. what an interesting post. I completely agree about the importance of balancing out the feminine and masculine energy, and the elephant example at the end resonates with me. It would be great to feel balanced in this repsect!

  7. This is so on point with where my focus is right now. I don’t see a Feminine Weak – Masculine Strong though! I feel thats the category I fall into. Even the right side of my body (the masculine analytical side) is over developed, my left side not readily used. I have tried to discipline myself to even do physical things with my left side to get my feminine energy back into the “partnership.”

    I love this article. Thank you so much for writing it.

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