Self Love during Sickness

I just got over a 3 week illness which had me in bed, literally unable to breathe freely, had to go to a hospital, was on two rounds of antibiotics, was diagnosed with bronchitis and fatigue, and, found myself unable to enjoy the Holidays or any time off.  Wow.  It was so painful in every way.  Is this how it feels to be old, I wondered?!   Can I exercise this or holistically treat this, or somehow Reiki this or pray this out of my body?   (I couldn’t).  Why do I need this illness?  (I didn’t consciously want it).   My mom had called me a few times, worried, concerned, and reminded me of Louise Hay’s Heal Your Life book:

Bronchitis (probable cause) Inflamed family environment. Arguments and yelling. Sometimes silent. (New thought pattern) I declare peace and harmony within me and around me. All is well.

Lung: The ability to take in life. Depression. Grief. Not feeling worthy of living life fully.  (New thought pattern)  I have the capacity to take in the fullness of life. I lovingly live life to the fullest.

Fatigue: Resistance, boredom. Lack of love for what one does.  (New thought pattern) I am enthusiastic about life and filled with energy and enthusiasm.

Some of the above didn’t make sense.  But, no matter if we are consciously aware of why illness shows up and its intensity in our lives we can appreciate better health when it’s all said and done and the down-time we have when we need to learn something deeper.  That is really it.   If we are not practicing emotional release, tuning into our Spirit and finding ways to connect with our deeper consciousness then the Universe or Life Force will find a way to send us a message.

I realize people get sick for no apparent reason, people are born and they die and it’s all scientifically forecasted as well as Darwinian and evolutionary.  At the same time, as a Spiritually minded and Conscious individual, I tend to question why my body was out of commission for almost a month during a time of celebration and relaxation for most of the northern Hemisphere.  I simply didn’t think it was coincidental, white oppositely, I sensed there was someone trying to tell me something.

During my stay at a long-time friend’s house,  travel with strangers on an airplane, and, experiencing deep humble emotions by being so vulnerable, I realized that there are some things that really matter.  I realized that most people want and need Love.  Love in the sense that they can call someone or have  a visit to or from someone that really means something to them.  Love in the sense that most people really do want to be partnered up, it makes us feel special and unique in a world of marketed apps and alluring avatars, and for those not in the technical generations, someone to hold our hand when we have to take a big step or feel too small to get past the obstacles in our way.

Love in the sense that a best friend, or spouse, or ex spouse, or parent knows us so well that they don’t have to ask the big questions anymore.  They can just be there, beside you, giving you their energetic support and its enough.  Love in the sense that you can feel a part of a group or community, not just a family, but maybe several families as if you could go from state to state or country to country and have your tribe that sees you and knows you, even if only once a year or every few years.  Love was one of my realizations, perhaps even a resolution, for more of in my life.  I was glad I felt love during a time of such vulnerability.

The other Conscious thought I had was that I did indeed, love myself.  I treated myself as holistically as I could, but when it came down to it, antibiotics and other medical treatment were to become my friends.  I needed them, and that was okay.   I even had some friends protest, like you are the HOLISTIC one, you can’t use that crap.  But, my Conscious mind knew differently.  No, I did need these and I am not weaker, or any less holistic or organic or energetically strong and empathic just because my body needed another level of help.  I simply couldn’t beat myself up for using pharmaceuticals and attempting to get back on the chemically balanced path I was previously.

Using Self Love during sickness doesn’t mean we have to choose a particular path, rather, the one that works for us at that time and place.

I knew I had friends, and I was thankful for them.  I was also thankful when my daughter came home after the Holidays.  Family, I thought, is something that has great meaning for me.  Persons want to define for us what Family means, but You have to decide for yourself and your dependents, what Family comes to mean over time.  I have done a lot of personal healing in the family arena.  It took years of therapy and writing to get to where I am today with my comfort level of family relationships and what the time, space and distance mean for me.

I love my family more today than I ever have.  But, my love for my family may not look the same as your love for your family.  The wonderful outlet of Facebook and other social media outlets would have us all believe that most families are poised for perfection and loveliness and mutual support and pride and seclusiveness away from the harsh world.  Behind every screen lies the reality that family is just another group of relationships to grow within and learn from.  But, when you feel at your worst, there is no one more familiar than your family who can remind you of your history, your resilience, strength, courage, ability to be independent and yet, they can also create desire for closeness, memory, and tradition unlike any other group you may experience as an adult.

Self love during sickness is about remembering who you are at your strongest, rather than you weakest. It’s about gathering in your friends and family and finding ways to bond and connect and being vulnerable to the moments of humility and loss of who you thought you were, sometimes.  Getting well can feel like starting all over again.  Your diet may change, your energy feels more intimate, thoughts are a little wider, emotions are sensed deeper.   Appreciate those times when your physical body can take over the intellectual.  We spend too much up there in our heads.  Our hearts long to be realized again, and being ill or otherwise physically vulnerable, can point you in the direction of the Soul.  You need to welcome this vulnerability with your Consciousness.  Amen.

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