I am 46 and I have always felt youthful. I still do. But, there are parts of my body that do not always feel that way. I have a neck “jowl” that started in the past few years. Where the hell did that come from? My breasts, always big and beautiful, are starting to sag. My eyesight often fails me. And, weight, it is much harder to get off. So, when the gentleman today, who sold me a bike last weekend, asked me about my grand-daughter I said, stunned, “My…. Daughter?!”
I realize I am not in my 20’s or even 30’s anymore. In fact, in a few years I will be exiting my 40’s. But, when I look in the mirror I do not see old, or fat, or unattractive. I feel sexy, youthful and rather fashionable most of the time. I don’t worry about not getting dates. Friends always tell me how beautiful or great I look. So, what was this bike seller’s problem anyway?
I thought about it for a while. Self Love is an inside job. At some point we look at ourselves and admit possible defeat in the age department. Or, perhaps we got a bad haircut, gained more weight than we intended, started wearing yoga pants every day. We look in the mirror and believe we look good, okay, presentable, and then someone says to us something that doesn’t match our perception of ourselves. We wonder, then, do I believe what that person says? Or, do I trust my own reflection and perception in the mirror and how I feel about myself?
Self Love is an Inside Job. There are going to be numerous people in your lives who never take a second look. You may never turn heads due to attractiveness. You might make bodily, hair and makeup alterations and receive a little satisfaction, might turn some heads, and yet,the external recognition never feels like enough. Some may even complain you did too much alteration, you didn’t age naturally.. that’s cheating.
If one was to rely on external validation for Self Love, there would be a large self love deficit. A gentleman the other day in the Holistic Sex industry was making a comparison to obesity and ill-health and said he was not attracted to “those people” and some got offended, including me. I didn’t get offended because I felt ashamed of anything, rather, I sensed he was assuming persons that are obese or overweight look, feel and eat the same. I sensed he was saying that anyone obese or overweight is unhealthy. And, I asked him how he defines “health” or ill-health. Who measures this?
Certified Integrative Nutrition Coaches want you healthier, but what we do differently from other coaches is see a client as mind, body and soul. We don’t look at clients as measurements to mend. We teach about much more than food. In fact, Integrative Nutrition in my practice is often about what Joshua Rosenthal calls “primary foods” – relationships, career, sex, intimacy, and social support. If these factors are missing, this is often cause for ill-health.
Ill health, obesity or similar terms vary so much in definition depending on what camp you come from. The medical model mostly formulates the BMI and other scales that have felt unrealistic to many in the health and wellness industry. Many times what works for many women is simply whether or not they fit in their favorite pair of jeans. But, categorizing persons in ill-health or obese is doing nothing towards motivation for change, self acceptance, or a willingness to set up an appointment for Health Coaching.
The conversation above with both of these men is one that centers around shame. Shame can be an extreme barrier to any type of change. But, let’s not blame the messenger. Shame is a belief, a thought. It can, however, quickly lead to emotion and become stuck in one of our lower chakras, but it doesn’t have to. You can choose to protect yourself from shame and external influences, empowering yourself.
Here are your Lessons for more Self Love and less shame:
- Self love is an Inside Job. No one else is responsible for your self love. You choose to have it, daily.
- External influences or statements are simply data thrown at you. You can take note, ponder, or simply let it fly by.
- When looking in the mirror, you are accepting yourself as you are, who are you, and where you are, today. Every day.
- If any person makes a statement about you that you do not agree with, then, disagree. Recognize this is your Empowerment, not your denial. You get to define you.
- When you choose to be free of shame, you will not get offended easily by the comments people make. But, you also can point out the fallacy of those comments without letting shame enter into the energy exchange.
Remember, my readers,