How to Just be You
I may not have the perfect advice for you, but I have personally learned from life experience and many client sessions about how important it is to be who YOU. This is what I wrote on the Facebook page yesterday:
With the creation of social media it appears some of us are under the false impression that being liked or followed somehow means our message is more important. NOT TRUE. In fact, with Facebook changes, we are going to start getting UNLIKES. Crazy, huh? Get used to being un-liked at times.
First of all, don’t rely on Facebook to give you too much love, or other people. Second, your purpose and message mean something to you, and that’s enough. What you resonate with is important because you are following Spirit, INSPIRATION – IN Spirit (most of Dr. Wayne W. Dyer) fans know that one. Third, don’t change your message for your audience unless you are only into marketing and numbers. Otherwise, be more of you. Post what you want, be who you are. Don’t apologize for it. Don’t worry who is paying attention to what you write, post or who you respond to or converse with.
Some of you are in the Libra shadow when you rely too much on the opinions of others, even those you’ve never met…
Get used to being unliked
That’s a hard one for some. Media has long taught the trick that that if you arrange your photos, smiles, and body parts in a certain way you will receive more attention. Beauty is one way to attract what you want. With social media, generations have been molded by a computer system’s culture to strategize videos, photos, words, and opinions in a way that attracts attention. Like this, like that. It feels good to be liked.
With the changes in Facebook, and potentially other outlets will follow suit, there will be the chance for being un-liked. I think this is an excellent experiment. Why do you need to be liked? I realize it feels good. It perhaps works for you in business and personal relationships. But, what about all those fragile egos?
Like Me, or Else
I discovered the #millionmanmarch yesterday on Facebook. I don’t watch tv, but I saw someone post about it and then went searching for what people were saying. I found an interesting slogan by Louis Farrakhan which was “Justice or Else!” I don’t know how others feel, but my peace loving mentality felt a little threatened. Maybe that was the point. Not everyone has a fragile ego apparently.
Much has been discovered that in fact, anti-bullying, anti-guns, and awareness campaigns are intensively off the mark. A government can’t force its people to like others. Maybe Facebook, its seemingly own little utopia, realized this. Maybe they asked themselves at some point, WHY do people have to like something? Tinder doesn’t do it. Kids in school don’t do it. Religions don’t do it. Maybe, they thought, we could have people rant less if we just let them dislike, maybe it will even save space.
When you just need to step away
All relationships need some space. I was talking to a friend about this recently. We decided that some relationships work better because they are defined with room for space and individuality. This is the same for the workplace. Some employees perform better when they have more independence. When people give others enough respect to be free and refrain from controlling another’s behavior too much, or at all, the relationship can be built on more inter-dependence rather than co-dependence. The power and control aspect is less of a focus.
While I am not a follower, nor critic, of Farrakhan or the Nation of Islam, and this blog entry is not about him or even about racial issues, I do sense a problem with some of the irony of his message. Justice or Else. Like us black people or else. Don’t bully or else. Support the military or else.
Most of us don’t like to feel threatened, even if it’s for a good cause. Like I said, many times in life I felt pressure to agree with family, friends, colleagues, and especially employers. Certain institutions, organizations and religions seeped into my belief system all too sneakily. In fact, I felt pretty damaged from some of those experiences and I wasn’t alone.
Over time, though, I realized that it made less sense to agree with someone when I didn’t feel it. It is less about liking or being liked, and feeling better when you express who you really are. It’s not always easy to lead this life. In fact, current spiritual and holistic communities have and repeat their own misconceptions about bullying, almost forcing others to always be positive, supportive, “spiritual.” Many companies are creating accountability or satisfaction programs to enforce good behavior and technology which means we see these outcomes quickly.
Be nice. Don’t bully. Be likeable. Or else.
With all this said, just be You. There’s enough pressure in each of your communities to be someone you’re not. You’ll be praised and reinforced for certain behaviors and disliked for others. Each of you will attempt to navigate the balance between civility and humanitarianism while you watch others be un-necessarily unkind or violent.
It’s okay to push the unlike button if you don’t like what you see.