Beauty, Self Love and Judgement. Attention is Power.

There was a lot of discussion this past week about plastic surgery, the media’s influence, and a woman’s need to feel validated externally by others – which brings up the point of Judgement. The fabric of social media only perpetuates this. The selfie-focused postings to see how beautiful we can capture ourselves, getting “likes” and spending time capturing every moment to photograph better and receive approval.

It becomes addicting for some, I imagine and actually has been written about extensively as a possible sign of psychiatric illness. Many gentle egos are out there can easily succumb to the pressures and integrate a tool such as Facebook or other media into their very being.  Some handle it well, others not as much.

Perhaps part of the problem is when people are selling or promoting themselves thus, Self becomes the product to market. Others then, judge this Self and it detracts from non-judgmental “love” and perpetuates many statements about the politics of beauty and self promotion.  So is the problem the judgement, or is the problem the acts that cause the judgement? The judgement becomes a byproduct of infatuation with external beauty and the power it may bring with it.

Selfies.  Many of us in our forties or above are not necessarily taking photos of ourselves on a daily basis and posting them somewhere, but tweens, teens and twenty and thirty somethings are, and, Hollywood definitely is!  James Franco (famously pictured above which made his fans go crazy), Miley Cyrus, Kylie Jenner and Snoop Dog are some of the top selfie posters.    Here is what James Franco said in an MTV interview:

“A well-stocked collection of selfies seems to get attention,” he writes. “And attention seems to be the name of the game when it comes to social networking. In this age of too much information at a click of a button, the power to attract viewers amid the sea of things to read and watch is power indeed. It’s what the movie studios want for their products, it’s what professional writers want for their work, it’s what newspapers want — hell, it’s what everyone wants: attention. Attention is power.”



This power issue is well noted.  The complaints about how someone looks, whether or not they’ve had surgery, or how many times a day we have to look at them is not always the issue. It’s the fact that if we see enough of it, it’s considered good marketing, and forces us to pay attention. If our best friend gets plastic surgery or looks sort-of-anorexic we are concerned, and may voice this concern, not necessarily out of judgment but, as I said to some of my followers, out of concern for their ability to self love.  Some questioned that.  Why are you concerned about someone’s ability to use self love? Isn’t that a judgement?


A photo of my stomach pointing to the need for readers to choose self-acceptance event through we are “perfect”

I am concerned because this attention has power.  And with power comes responsibility. I teach Self Love and want to provide my readers examples of ways to practice Self Love. Using images, like my stomach above, which are not enhanced or altered in any way, can create a different kind of power. EmPOWERment. Because all of us should have the right to feel power – regardless of how attractive we are. It is in this removal of ego and vulnerability to judgement that makes one feel Em-powered, rather than just Power.  Perhaps this is what differentiates me, and my work, from someone like James Franco and others more attractive, powerful or celebrity.  If I can deeply accept myself as is, and not enhance or alter my looks so much that I look like a different person, and let myself be accepted at any weight or age or wrinkle formation, then I feel that I have given myself more Power. Does that keep me from judgement?  Absolutely not.  Persons are always going to judge us.

So here is a reminder and why I keep writing every Sunday on this topic.  Self Love, as I describe it, is “Taking care of your desires and wellness.”  It sounds simple, but I use my words carefully. Desire, in my opinion, is always inspired by God or Spirit. Our true desires are not ego based and relative to any external motivations, they come from deep inside.

Thus, desires are carefully sorted into various categories and in my Self Love definition I consider it to be of the spiritual mind-body category. Wellness is a holistic term for me.  Wellness also has to be carefully considered as far as context. Wellness is the ability to care for oneself preventatively, physically and spiritually, and integrates Holistic concepts.

As I continue to discuss Desires and Wellness on Sundays, I am hoping you recognize that mind, body and soul can be integrated in a way that creates more Self Love, not because it keeps you from Judgement, that will always be there. When you use Self Love, you are using Desires outside external influences.  Self Love always, in my opinion, comes from internal inspiration, empowerment, and if the byproduct of all of this happens to be money, influence and power, so be it.  I only wish the best for you.


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7 Replies to “Beauty, Self Love and Judgement. Attention is Power.”

  1. I preach self love on my facebook page. It is so important and something I have struggled with for a very long time. Every day I remind myself of all the good things about me, and try to stop being so concerned about what others think.

  2. Self-love and self-validation are so empowering! The most beautiful thing about it is that it does not hinge on anyone other that oneself. We all have the ability to learn self-love and self-validation. There may always be others out there judging, trying to cut other’s down to feel superior, regardless of how one may look, perform, or otherwise, but when we harness the love and compassion from within, that is something that we get to keep, no matter the outside people or circumstances.

  3. I have worked with women for over 30 years with regard to skincare issues as well as hair removal. I have witnesses the self-criticism firsthand at my office. The media manipulates and dictates how women should look, appear, dress, etc. These messages are damaging and unrealistic. The models that appear in magazines have been photo shopped to such a degree that they are distorted. I totally agree with you that we need to learn self-acceptance as well as self-love. Great post!

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